Is it good to be sexy, but bad to have sex?
By Miriam @ Planned Parenthood | May 8, 2023, 3:38 p.m.
Category: Ask the Experts, Sex and Pleasure, Sexual Orientation
Somebody asked us: My friends comment on how 🔥 people’s thirst traps are. But they talk s*** about people who do stuff that’s too sexual (in pics or for real). What’s good and what’s bad? I want to be liked, not trashed.
It’s not bad to have sex. Sex is good for you and a natural part of life. Each person has preferences for how sexual they are with people and how much of their sexual side they show publicly.
Still, we understand why you’d ask. A lot of people struggle with how to be themselves around people who may judge them. And our culture pushes mixed messages about sexiness — all while making harsh judgments about what you choose to do with your body.
For example, if you scroll through any social media platform, you may see ads with models doing sexy things and being admired. The message: “You’re good if people want to have sex with you.” On that same platform, you may see posts stigmatizing sex. Their message: “You’re bad if you act on sexual desire.”
We’re here to tell you: That’s BS! You’re a good person no matter how much or how little sex you have, and no matter what your photos look like. You deserve to celebrate who you are and feel at ease about your image.
You can follow these tips for help on expressing yourself and your sexuality.
- This can take a while, but try to make friends with people you trust. It’s a good sign if you feel safe talking about sex and relaxed about dressing however you want with them.
- Journal or talk to a trusted friend if you feel lots of pressure to either look a certain way that you’re not OK with or totally hide your body. See if you can find comfortable ways to take whatever you truly feel on the inside and express it on the outside.
- If you enjoy exploring your personal style, try fun clothing and creative poses for yourself in a mirror or in photos that leave you feeling good. If a look makes you feel fake or icky, go for something different next time. It’s also OK if you’d rather just chill, not go for any particular look, and choose what feels most comfortable.
- If you obsess about likes and comments on social media, try new ways to connect with people and get recognition — like by playing a game with friends, taking a class on a topic you love, or joining other group activities.
- Remember: You get to decide what’s right for you. Other people’s opinions are not truth. Commercials, advertisements, and social media are not real life.
- Talking to a counselor or therapist who knows a lot about sex and sexuality can be helpful for some people, no matter how old they are. It can be a place where you can talk and learn more about your own identity and how it connects to sex, sexuality, your culture, and society.
- Learn more about sex and healthy relationships.
Tags: self-esteem, sexualization, sexualizing, slut-shaming